Does he know how much I love him?

Does he know I am afraid he will listen to Simon and leave me?



No. I don't think he does. Sometimes I let him see when I'm upset. Most times, actually.

But there is a constant, burning pain inside me caused by this distance. By jealousy. By desire for him to defend me against what Simon says. Why didn't he defend me?

I don't know if he can see it, but everytime we say goodbye I worry it will be for the last time.

The worry is small because my faith in him is much larger. But its there and I don't think he knows.

Maybe if he'd just open just a little more... let me know how he's really feeling. He doesn't have to be so strong for me all the time. Sometimes I wonder if its even possible to break his heart... its too strong.

So strong from supporting me that I can't really see what he wants. What he needs.

I only want to make him happy. I hope I do.