Perhaps I am more emotional lately than I've ever been.... perhaps I am readjusting to the idea that a relationship doesn't mean constant physical distance... perhaps I am incapable of happiness. Who knows?

It just seems to be that anytime I feel safe and secure, something happens either in real life or in my head that causes me to doubt it. If I open up, I am usually (if not always) disappointed.

But whatever, you know? I mean, there really is only so much that one can do in this regard. I've accepted that I am no longer the person of _______'s dreams and so I guess it takes a lot of pressure off. I just try and enjoy those tiny, happy, short lived moments as they come before they quickly go.

I wish there was someway that I didn't internally sabaotage every ounce of happiness I get.

Then again, when ______ were first dating, things were different. I guess things are always different when you're first dating someone. Everything you do is interesting. It is only natural that a state of normalcy follows and therefore boredom. But I don't get bored with people. Why do they get bored with me?

I think its time to accept that everything good in my life never lasts long and it is pointless to dream that anyone could love me forever.