I want to shut off my computer and talk to you but we can't talk. You're gone. Your words say you're here, but you're not ever here anymore. We have the chance for communication now... and soon it will be gone. I appreciate that. You don't.

Enjoy the meet. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy summer and everything that comes with it. Because when school starts again, I will be far away. 5000 miles away, and days will be different and nights will be different, and you'll wish you'd talked to me when you had the chance.

Perhaps you don't realize how close you are to losing me.

Fuck you for leaving me alone.

You say something so awful to me and I don't even react the way I want to. I don't hurt you like I want to. I don't destroy what I love...

BUT YOU DESTROY ME AND SAY FUCK YOU AND YOUR LOVE AND SACRIFICE AND STRIFE! FUCK YOU FOR THE HARDEST THING YOUVE EVER DONE BECAUSE I AM UNKIND AND DO NOT LOVE YOU! I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND IF BY YOU NOW, FINE. IF BY ANOTHER LATER, EVEN BETTER, BECAUSE I HATE YOU AND YOUR JEALOUSY AND I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE. I DONT EVEN TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR FEELINGS ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE DECIDED THEY DONT MATTER.

FUCK YOU KATHLEEN. SINCERELY, THE ONE YOU LOVE AND SWORE TO LOVE FOREVER, ADAM.

Feels like the end.

When you find yourself living only for another person, it seems that every illogical thing makes sense to you.

Cut yourself off from others.
Sacrificing friends for their comfort.
Always saying the truth even if you don't want to.

Relationship things.

Adam doesn't do those things.
Not anymore.

So why do I still do them?

This is getting to be way too much.
Distance makes the
heart grow
weak.

Its impossible to walk away from
that one great
love.

And I wouldn't dream of it
even if it
hurts.

But its so unfair that so many
undeserving little
people
get

the things I want.

No.

Today I got a new military ID
Because I am in the military
and you need one
in that case.

But the woman said no.
Some ID please, she said.
Well thats what I came here for,
i said.
And she was not amused.

But I'm Dad's kid.
And I stayed until I got my ID.

I know how I look. I'm young,
and I'm new here.
But that does not mean
you should treat me
like I am
nothing.

All the time I think
DONT FUCK WITH ME
but I want people to think I'm polite
so I don't say it. I just
get what I want.

I just feel bad for the next 18 year old
Who didn't have a Dad like mine
and will need some help with her ID
and shes not
going to
get it.

Sometimes I wish i had no ambition.
No driving force. No push.
Wouldn't that be easy?

But no, maybe not. Because then
my parents and I might not be
oh so much better than everyone else

Family.
Family.
Family.

Its what you've got when you've got nothing.
Because they'll never be disappointed.
Even if you lose all your ambition.

I'm scared to go to Greece today.

I don't want to be that far from Adam.

I want to be married to him right now and I want to be making love to him right now and seeing his face as it comes down to kiss mine. I miss him so much.

I don't want to keep living without him. Its not even fully living. Its just waiting for the day when we will be together and I never have to say goodbye again.

I love him more than anything else in this world.