The Letter I Will Not Send

Dearest Adam,

There are ten days in between you and I right now. Each day starts and finishes slowly, but it does indeed finish and is another step toward you.

When we're not talking, I often think about what it is you're doing. I think, is he lying down? Is he studying? Is he smiling or frowning? Thinking of me?

Its hard to think that 600 miles away you are living a normal life. You really are there just like I really am here. Other people see you every day. They pass you on the street and don't even know you or how lucky they are that they just got to see you. They don't realize what I would trade to be them. I suppose I am grateful they do not realize... they won't fall in love with you like I have and then I will not risk losing you.

Do you know that I am yours? Do you understand that, for most of my life, my world revolved only around myself? And then you came along and I thought: This is just fun, because this can never last. And it was fun. It was the most fun I'd known. It was safety. It was love.

But I thought I could live without you, but even in the lowest part of my life, I have ever completed (basic training), you were in my thoughts. I didn't know what you were doing or who you were with. I didn't know if you thought about me. But I didn't get the choice. I ran for you. I worked for you. I cried only once at boot camp, and the thought of you pulled me out of it.

Do you know now that my world is yours? That it depends on you? I find happiness in your happiness. I find suffering in your suffering. I find all the motivation to make this work in the sound of your voice.

I can't even touch you but you're the person closest to me in my life. If I could choose only one person to live with, to see for the rest of my life, it would be you.

I love you and you will never lose me. I am yours forever.

Love,
Kathleen