Adam recently has been giving himself a lot of trouble about being with Sarah.

Every time I see her I think about what she has taken from me. What Adam allowed her to take from me. Being young and in high school, Adam and I never had anywhere to go but each others houses. Since my home offered very very little privacy, it was usually in his house that we spent time together.

We would lie together on his couch. If we were sitting up he would let me put my legs across his lap and I could lean my head against him. If we were lying down his arm would rest around my waist. With the turn of my head, I could kiss him. And in an instant, we could be moving against each other, our lips feverishly working to please the other. That couch came to feel like a safe place. No one could hurt me there because if I was there, so we he.

And she took that. She stole it from me. I don't want to sit on that couch again. I don't want to think about it. He stole it from me too. From us.




He can hear it in my voice. And if I ever see that couch again, he will see it on my face. I won't sit there. Thats her place now and I don't want to be near it.

I think he knows how much it hurts me. I think he really let himself have it. One part of me says good. Because you ruined a majority of the memories I have of falling in love with you. Are you happy? Was kissing her worth that? Worth that horrible pain that I feel in my chest even now?

The bigger part of me just wants him to feel better. I don't want him to hurt. Because I feel the hurt, and its enough to break you sometimes. I don't want him to break. I want him to be happy.

So I'll shut up about it as much as I can. I'll say forget about it...

... and think about it every day.

Only love can be both heaven and hell.