December 28

That last post was pretty depressing. And yes, I am still sad. But I'm mostly really happy here even if it isn't always because of my family.

It is mostly about Adam.

I love him. I love seeing him and touching him and telling him I love him. Everything I do without him is less than it should be because I feel like if he isn't there, then a part of me isn't too.

I love him more every day.

I felt similar to this once, with Conor, but that was many years ago and I was naive and hopeful. Now I am mostly the pessismist convincing myself that getting used to this amazing feeling is just going to hurt me.

But Adam is the optimist. Adam is the person that I wish I could be.

He believes in this without an inch of doubt. And because he does, so can I.

I want to wait five years for him. And I don't know if in a year or two or four if I will feel the same way, but right now I do. How can I ignore that because people say I should?

I think Adam fits me perfectly.

I don't understand how he can love me the way that he does, but I don't want to question it anymore.

I just want to love him forever.