December 28

I'm getting pretty sad.

I'm home. Been home since the 22nd. I was happy to be here. I had my family in the daytime and Adam at night. Others came in between.

Besides Adam, the one I was most looking forward to seeing was Colleen. I felt like she was my best friend and that finally we'd be able to be close again. I felt like we hadn't spoken in three months, and now would be the chance.

But now whenever we do talk, all she ever says is that I'm stupid for being with Adam or selfish for being with Adam or never home at night.

At first I was okay with it. Meaning I was trying to understand it. I get that Colleen doesn't really approve of this relationship and quite frankly I'm done trying to convince her that this is what makes me happy therefore this is what should make her happy.

Now I don't really get it.

Take for instance this afternoon. I took all three of the girls out to go bowling. After that I took them out to dinner at TGI Fridays... let them get whatever they wanted, which of course was chicken fingers but all the same. Then we went to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and bought my mother a caramel english toffee apple and Colleen and chocolate covered apple. Then I bought Kasey and Hayley ice cream at Coldstone. Then we went to Barnes and Noble so I could get a book. Then we went and bought my mother flowers. We laughed and sang in the car. It was a ot of fun.

Since they were all obviousy tired I made plans with Adam to see a movie and then go to a friend's house.

Colleen runs around calling me selfish. Mom and Dad start saying my late nights have to end.

And I say no.

I am 18 years old. I do not live here anymore. I paid for my ticket to go here and if they kicked me out right now I would have no troube finding a place to go. If they have a problem with me and Adam being together, then they're just going to have to be ok with my going.

I hate saying that shit, and I think that they think I love it. That I finally have some kind of leverage over them.

Thats not the case.

I feel more alone in this house of six than I do in my solitary apartment in Maryland.

Do you have any idea how much that breaks my heart?

[[ This was supposed to be a great vacation. ]]