I'm not him Kathleen

And now I am a door mat.

I woke up with the image in my head. The thoughts sat in my brain, didn't dilute and hit me full force when I stepped into the shower. And when I walked out of the shower, I grabbed the sides of the sink as the picture of his face against hers pushes and pushes.

Last night I forgave and I loved like I always do.

I see Conor in him. I'm terrified.

But I won't say so because I said I'd let it go. Because if we're going to get past thisI can't hold on to it.

But it hurts.


Conor said things. Made it clear I wasn't thin enough, smart enough, old enough. But Adam doesn't say those things. He only does the same thing Conor did.

I'm hurting and I'm breaking but I'll be quiet and pretend he didn't destroy me.

Again.

Is this love?