I realize this is a blog to rant... that I don't write here when I'm happy. I write when I'm sad. Because here in this God forsaken place I am completely alone. I have no family. Theres not a single soul that touches me or kisses me or hugs me... because Adam isn't here and that isn't anyone else's place. I'm so lonely.

I crave the physical, but oddly its only from Adam that I want it. Hand me the most attractive man in this state, and I will turn in disgust. I only want him.

I miss him so much tonight I feel like there is something pulling me apart from the inside. I can't stand that other people get to have him. Those people don't know the gift they have. Thats good I suppose, if they did then they would love him as I love him and then what would be his reason for staying with me?

I'm so scared. I want to be near him. I need him. God, I don't know how to be happy without him. I did once, but I don't remember.

He's the best thing thats ever happened to me.

And yet, this love is killing me. Its crippled me. Hes ruined me for sure. How can someone show you perfection, let you taste it, and then expect you to want less?

God please let us be together soon. Its so unfair. I've been so good. Please give me this one thing.